More tenderness than in youth: Stories of couples who have been together for half a century
Old couples in love
Who hasn’t noticed elderly couples on the streets, in parks, in shops? They walk along the road slowly, in step, sometimes helping each other. Who hasn’t wondered if they would be like them at that age?
On Valentine’s Day, three couples who have been together for decades talked about their long and happy marriages. These are stories of love, kindness, mutual respect and humor.
The love story of an English teacher and a metallurgist
Lily (89) and Cesar (89). Together 74 years
Lily: Sometimes I look at my hands and say: what is this stain? I look in the mirror and get upset: wow, look at me. And he stops me and says: I like you better this way.
Cesar: I love her more now, that’s why.
Lily: So he found himself someone else, at our age.
Cesar: Yes, that’s what you think.
Lily: Come on, have someone else make you some tea. Or when we go to bed, you ask me – turn it up here, and now fix it here. Try it, tell someone else if that’s the case.
***
Lily: In 1942, when the Second World War was raging, we were in the same class in Nadzaladevi (Tbilisi neighborhood). But for a very short time, since in 1943 the school was disbanded, divided into male and female. Then we lost touch.
And now we are in eighth grade. One day a math exam was scheduled at a boys’ school. The girls and I agreed to help them. They threw us tasks from the balcony, we solved them below and sent them back. It turns out that Cesar was also nearby, rooting for his brothers and watching me from afar. There we met for the second time.
Cesar: I fell in love at first sight. At that time the only entertainment was cinema and theater. When I was sent for bread, I kept the change and collected money for movie tickets. New films were shown on Mondays and Thursdays.
Lily: When he invited me to the movies, I took five or six girlfriends with me. And they sat down so that there was an empty chair between us. And then during the session, sometimes one of the girlfriends moved to another seat, and he sat closer.
Once we watched the film “Wedding Without a Bride”, something like that it was called. There was a lot of fuss and incidents at that wedding. Every now and then he leaned over to me and asked: “But this won’t happen at our wedding?” So he declared his love to me for the first time. We were in ninth grade at the time.
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Then a boy from the mountainous Pshavi began to pursue me, his name was Lazar. In the summer I visited relatives in his village, and he came to me on horseback. When he found out that I had a boyfriend, he called Cesar to talk.
He was older than us and stronger. I was so afraid that this bully would do things that I went to this meeting myself. There I had to say that I love Cesar. This was my declaration of love.
At that time we were already in the tenth grade. Then he made me repeat that I love him. It was late, we were returning from the cinema. He wouldn’t let me go home until I declared my love.
Then I see that my mother’s cousin, a front-line soldier, in a long red leather coat, is getting off the tram. My heart sank into my heels – if he sees me now, it’s all over! “Yes, yes, I love you too,” I said, just to get out of there. He kissed me on the cheek, and I ran home. We were lucky – my uncle saw nothing.
After that, I secretly went on dates with him – supposedly I went to study with my friends. Grandma would kill me if she knew I had a boyfriend. So we met for eight years.
Cesar: And then, in 1957, after the state exams, Lily was assigned as a teacher in another district. I was frightened – without Lily I could not live. We got married fast, we did not have a wedding. Celebrated in a couple of months in a narrow circle. And thus began our life together.
There was no honeymoon, we could not even dream of it – it was difficult with money.
Lily: Mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-laws and their families – we all lived in the same cramped apartment at first. But I never once complained. Because I loved Cesar, and this love helped us overcome all difficulties.
Then, when we had had three children, Cesar was given an apartment as an employee of the Rustavi Metallurgical Plant. Then everything seemed to start all over again, and we had a real honeymoon when we made a nest for ourselves.
Even if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t change a thing. We are now so much alike that even our blood pressure is rising at the same time.
Among our relatives, neighbors, acquaintances, there is no one older than us. Our eleventh grandson will be born soon. What if not love keeps us together?
There were many difficulties. We lived in Greece for eleven years as immigrants. We were already about sixty years old when we went there.
Breaking up is very easy. Reasons can always be found. Love is the main thing, it needs care. We must respect each other, sometimes make concessions. But it should be mutual. Nothing will work if only one side concedes and the other abuses it. It’s not love anymore.
I swear there was never a single curse or curse between us. We did not make a single decision without consulting each other. And there were no serious quarrels either. It’s lucky that we met. Not everyone is so lucky.
The love story of a chemistry teacher and a rugby player
Venus (79 years old) and Nodar (88). Together 57 years
Venera: We have been married for 55 years. Before that, he took care of me for two more years.
Nodar: Not two, but one!
Venera: Well, about a year and a half.
Nodar: So be it, okay. We used to be very beautiful.
Venera: Now what, no?
Nodar: Got old.
Venera: Oh stop!
Nodar: And my voice is hoarse, can’t you hear?
Venera: Don’t make things up, it doesn’t happen to you often.
***
Venera: It was a rainy evening, I was returning from a funeral. I was going to my aunt, I was going to stay with her for the night. He got on a trolley bus, approached me and asked if he could talk to me. I said no. I didn’t talk to him and didn’t even look in his direction.
I got off at the bus stop and went into a cafe. I drank some water, ate some cookies and continued on my way. There was gas in the street, everything was dug up, and I walked slowly so as not to stain my shoes. And it turns out he was following me.
He caught up with me at my aunt’s house. I got angry. “What do you want from me,” I said. “I just want your phone number.” I say: “I don’t have a phone.” “Then,” he says, “I’ll give you mine.” And he wrote the number on the trolleybus ticket.
The next day I went to work. In the evenings I studied and worked at the medical institute. I got curious. My friend Lena and I took the phone book and started looking for his number to find out who he was, what his last name was, but found nothing.
Nodar: Wow, what a job.
Venera: Don’t interrupt! A few days later, my classmates and I got together, I told them this story, and decided to call him. Natela called. He immediately realized that it was not me, and asked me to pass the phone to me.
Well, I talked to him. He told me his name, but I still didn’t give him my phone number. “I can’t talk right now, can you call me again?” he says. “I don’t know, we’ll see,” I replied and hung up.
I come to work and tell Lena: “The guy we were looking for in the phone book is Nodar Kacharava.” And she says: “What are you talking about, I know him, he is a very good guy, a rugby player, I have never seen him with a Georgian girl. And in general, he does not communicate with girls on the street.”
Lena told everything to our other employee – Mediko. And she happened to like Nodar.
The phone rings the next day, and some guy says rudely to me: “I never thought that you would turn out to be such a gossip, you ruined my reputation.” It was Nodar.
It turns out that Mediko called him and got confrontational, saying he picks girls up off the street.
I explained everything. He believed me. I didn’t say anything to the staff.
It happened in the autumn of 1965.
Some time has passed. One day my friend Lena suggested going to the cinema. Gregory Peck was in a movie then, how could I miss that? Tamaz, Lena’s boyfriend, is walking, and some guy is following him. “Meet Nodar Kacharava.”
In the presence of Lena and Tamaz, we met several more times. And then Lena said: “Now you yourself know what to do.” I already liked him at the time.
It was February 4, 1967. He called me and invited me on a date. And he said to bring my passport. He came to the date drunk – come on, he says, we’ll sign. But then he changed his mind: “Why do I need such a marriage if you don’t love me yet.” I kept silent. Nodar was right – I really liked him, but I wasn’t sure I loved him.
At that time, a married man was trying to court me. He was 55 years old and left his wife and children in Svaneti, in the mountains. It got to the point where my father hit him. My parents were afraid to let me go outside. My father said: “I give you one year, either you marry the guy you love, or I will give you to the one I want.”
Nodar knew nothing about this man, nor about my father’s vow.
Time passed, and I felt that I was deeply in love.
In the meantime, I graduated from university, and my father reminded me of his promise – either start a family, or we no longer meet. I told Nodar that my father wouldn’t let me date anymore. He was offended.
He probably guessed what the matter was, but didn’t show it. I understood him. He lived with his parents in the same room in the Italian courtyard, with a shared toilet. Starting a family in such conditions was not an easy decision.
He sulked for several months. December 6th is my birthday. I was sure that he would appear, but he still did not. I then quarreled with my father, said that he was to blame for everything. “Give me the phone,” he says, “I’ll call him myself.” And in the midst of this, the door suddenly opened – Nodar had come.
We resumed meetings, but he still did not know anything about my father’s threats.
It was December 1967. Tamaz went to Nodar’s father and told him about everything. And on January 14, matchmakers came to my house – father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and Nodar himself. So we got married.
We went on a honeymoon trip to Romania and Bulgaria. The ship was called “Ivan Franko”.
When I married him, I did not think that he would turn out to be such a good husband. I loved him infinitely, but I did not think that I would be so happy with him. I could not even imagine that this man would be the one who helps you in everything and shares with you all household chores and caring for children. At the time, this was rare.
We didn’t have “this is a man’s business, and this is a women’s business”. He’s never been jealous either. True, I did not give reasons, but otherwise no reason is needed.
Never had to not let me go anywhere. How many times it happened – I go to a party, and he stays with the children. We never had any serious fights. Only once he came home from work angry with something and yelled at me for no reason. I was so angry then that I took it and left the house.
Our mothers intervened, we made up, pretending that nothing had happened.
Much has changed over time, but our love has remained unchanged. There is no formula for love, but it does not exist without mutual respect, patience, responsibility, forgiveness. We are happy with our lives.
Everything turned out the way we wanted, the way we dreamed. And you know what else? If there is no attraction to each other, if the couple does not get along intimately, sexually, then love will not light up and will not be preserved.
The love story of an engineer and an operator
Lily (78 years old) and Guram (78). Together 40 years
Lily: How many years have we been together? Wait a minute…
Guram: Don’t you remember?
Lily: No, I don’t remember.
Guram: Do you remember what year we got married?
Lily: Eighty-three?
Guram: Yes, in eighty-three.
Lily: You know what I’ll tell you? We women have thousands of thoughts going through our heads at the same time. Because we can sometimes forget something. We are getting old. I sometimes tell him that I need to get Botox. He laughs – do it if you want. I’m kidding, of course.
***
Lily: It was November. We were introduced by relatives. Rather, they tried to introduce us. When Guram came to visit us – I was living with relatives then – I refused to leave my room. “You won’t arrange a husband for me,” I said.
I was no longer small, but I was not the same as now – bold and talkative. I was very shy. I thought they were gone, so I left. And there he is. I rushed back – like a snake bit me, but he still managed to see me.
Guram: When I went there, I bought flowers of some kind. And then I found out that her father had a whole garden of those flowers in Tskhaltubo.
Lily: “Oh, what a guy!” Everyone admired me at home. And I pretended not to hear, but I was interested. After two or three days he came by again, and this time I was embarrassed not to go out. I can’t say that when I looked at him, my heart began to pound. Then he called me, came over sometimes. I didn’t hide anymore.
I liked him. A presentable, calm, mature person – who wouldn’t like that. But I would call one neighbor, then another, so as not to be left alone with him. The restaurant was not good manners. Unless you could go to the movies.
I never called him myself. And for a long time I addressed him in the polite, plural “you”. He joked: “Am I alone, or are there several of me?”. “I want to introduce you to my mother,” he once told me. I was terribly worried. But my mother-in-law was an amazing woman. She sped up our wedding.
We were already almost 40 years old, and a few months after our first meeting, we got married.
We signed and on the train, together with friends, went to my parents. Relatives met us at the station in cars. Their father warned them in advance: “Just try to drive up to the house, honking, I’ll kill everyone.”
Everyone liked Guram, everyone was happy that we were together. And everyone forgot about my father’s warning: they drove up to the house, honking like crazy. But my father looked at his son-in-law, sat him down, talked and received him as if he had known him since childhood and had always loved him.
We weren’t 17 or 18 year olds, we thought the time for butterflies and fluttering had passed. We got married so quickly that more than love, we were bound by respect for each other.
Love came and unexpectedly soon. And today it is getting bigger every day. Not a day goes by that I don’t hug him and tell him how much I love him. The greatest happiness was when, after living in rented apartments, we got our own.
We never quarreled, never scolded each other. My niece said: “I want a family like yours.”
I didn’t feel well two weeks ago. Guram got worried. “What,” he says, “should I do, how can I help you?” And I annoyed him: “Leave me alone.” He left without saying a word. And a few minutes later my grandson comes in and says to me: “Grandma, you know, never talk to grandpa like that again. When he left, he had tears in his eyes.”
We are happy that we have each other, but it hurts that life has become closed. Where is there to go? Some friends are no longer alive, others are sick.
We are lucky that we found each other in this life. Difficulties are often tragic for the character of people. Now people are especially hard, they are irritated and depressed. But we must try not to let this affect our relationship, we must cherish our love.
