Nika Musavi, Baku

When same-sex marriages were allowed in the USA, Azerbaijani homosexuals nearly exchanged blows, arguing whether it’s good or bad.

Let’s leave aside that part of social media users (and the population, in general), who are categorically against same-sex love; everything is more or less clear with them. Let’s talk about those, who painted their userpics in the rainbow flag colors and were sincerely happy for the American gays and lesbians, even given that they were complete strangers at this feast of life. A discussion about American reality quite predictably drifted to that about Azerbaijani reality, and for quite long, this issue was the most topical one. And even now, a slight sparkle is enough to ignite a firestorm of debate.

It’s a commendable thing in itself. Not least because the rights of sexual minorities, equally as the rights of women, children, redheads, left-handed etc., are essentially just the rights of a human being per se. And they need to be struggled for. But maybe not here and not right now?

To put it mildly, it’s naïve to discuss the rights of gays in Azerbaijan at this stage. Of course, they sooner or later should acquire their rights. But they will first have to queue up and wait for some 50 years as long as heterosexuals will do it themselves. Because, if you look more closely, straight people in Azerbaijan practically have no rights either. And it becomes obvious, once you itemize all LGBT major requirements and see them from heterosexuals’ perspective.

The right to marry one’s male partner.

Indeed, every third Azerbaijani has no right to marry even a female partner. That is, he certainly enjoys such a right from the legal point of view, but in practice, his mom will pass out cold, his dad will threaten to anathematize him and eventually the guy will have to go ‘down the aisle’ with a girl, chosen by his family.

And it’s the same with women too. They are quite often married off against their will to those, whom parents view as most appropriate. And in view of the women’s specific condition in the oriental society, the situation here is uglier.

And in this case, the traditions, public opinion and the opinion of parents play a much greater role than the legislation. If they wish, Azerbaijanis can easily turn a blind eye to the legislation, but they can’t do that to their parents and community.

The right to openly express one’s feelings, rather than keep hiding in corners, as suggested by the homophobes.

It’s an absolutely natural desire. Azerbaijani heterosexuals also want that very much. However, just a relatively small part of the community has reached that very level of development, where they are able to recognize it as normal.

As for the rest of the people, they don’t just have negative attitude towards premarital sex (God forbid!), but even to the romantic and platonic relationships. Parents do their best to shield their daughters from the world of men, and, as a result, the youth go romancing behind the relatives and neighbors’ back.

One may get ‘a rap over the knuckles’ from the law-enforcers for kissing in a public place, not to mention the sidelong glances. Meanwhile, crime columns are saturated with the reports on ‘family honor’ murders, and hymenorrhaphy (also known as hymenoplasty), i.e. hymen reconstruction surgery, has become one of the most in-demand fields of medicine.

Coming out Azerbaijani style – it’s not when a guy is telling his parents that he is in love with some conventional Mammad and he wants to live with him.

Coming out Azerbaijani style – it’s when a girl is doing the same thing.

What’s next? Community property and other ‘shared things’ of partners living in a civil marriage?

What in the world is that? No one in Azerbaijan has ever heard about it. A partner, whom you have lived with even for 30 years, is still a total stranger. And also, the existence of civil marriages, as such, are bashfully hushed up.

I’ve surely forgotten something. But, I think, the aforementioned is quite enough to repeat: it’s naïve to seriously talk about LGBT rights in modern Azerbaijan. We shouldn’t skip a stage of evolution. The countries that are now debating over gay rights have long ago dealt with heterosexuals’ rights.

There again, it’s not the matter of legislation, the government’s attitude or it’s certain actions. It’s the matter of society and the people’s outlook. It’s immensely difficult to solve personal and family matters at the state level. And, as long as Azerbaijani heterosexuals are unable to get the upper hand on the conservative society, the struggle for gays’ rights may just seem touching.

Published 04.11.2016