Orgasm causes patriotism. Or vice versa?

This post could have been made public two days ago, when Rauf Rzaev, an andrologist, told the world about new magic properties of the female orgasm. But I somehow wanted to better ‘digest’ this information.

For those who are unaware: a sensational revelation on oxu.az website sounded as follows: ‘In other words, a normal woman should get into sexual intercourse and have an orgasm. A woman experiencing orgasm becomes much good-tempered. Such woman will love her husband and her motherland.’

There were attempts on social media to joke on this issue, but there was hardly anything to add to it. People talked for a while about an orgasm in the open sea or in the territory of some other country and then, as the saying goes, they parted.

But if you come to think of it, it’s a morbid trend. Don’t you think that the very idea of such involvement of the motherland in the sexual intercourse is scary? Patriotism that is stealthily sneaking under the citizens’ blanket – we’d already gone through it in the Soviet Union. And that yielded no good.

Have you ever wondered what should inspire one’s love to the motherland? Ask the patriots. They will answer: ‘Shame on you! You should have nurtured it with mother’s milk or at least your parents should have instilled it into you.

Perhaps you can be born and grow up with the love to your home, family, street, the sea that could be seen from the window. But what is the motherland-is it a city, geographical boundaries, coat of arms, flag, nationality, religion, language, culture, traditions? What of the aforesaid do you love, and what you don’t? How sincere is your love?

And what is love? Is it love when you cry over the national team losing the game? Or is it love when you’re writing the praise odes? Or hating other countries?

Do you think you should love the state, too? Do you love the Tax Ministry? And the Education Ministry? And what about the President’s office? Should the state do something for you to love it, or it’s your obligation to love it and it doesn’t owe you anything?

And what about the country, the people? Should they be kind, honest, neat and hospitable en masse, so that you could proudly say: ‘I love my nation’, or you owe your nation too?Should you love it just because its yours?

I don’t think that a problem lies in answering these question. The problems arise when people, first of all, don’t ask any questions at all, because they know for sure what and who should or shouldn’t be loved; secondly, when these people know whom and how you should love. And they start telling you about it.

When such people come to power, the most terrible dystopias come true.

In the meantime, Azerbaijani patriots have been pitched a new argument in a dispute with non-patriots: ‘What? You don’t love your motherland? When did you last have sex?