{"id":10281,"date":"2019-02-25T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-02-25T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jam-news.net\/az\/atami-nec%c9%99-bagislamali\/"},"modified":"2020-06-04T00:21:07","modified_gmt":"2020-06-03T20:21:07","slug":"atami-nec%c9%99-bagislamali","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jam-news.net\/az\/atami-nec%c9%99-bagislamali\/","title":{"rendered":"Atam\u0131 nec\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamal\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The Advocates for Human Rights h\u00fcquq m\u00fcdafi\u0259si t\u0259\u015fkilat\u0131n\u0131n bildirdiyin\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259, Az\u0259rbaycanda qad\u0131nlar\u0131n 43 faizi m\u0259i\u015f\u0259t zorak\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na m\u0259ruz qal\u0131b<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Bir d\u0259f\u0259 Amerikada dostlar\u0131 Fidan\u0131 h\u0259\u015fi\u015fli \u015fokolada qonaq edir. \u018fvv\u0259lc\u0259 can\u0131na hals\u0131zl\u0131q \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcr. Sonra beynind\u0259 musiqi s\u0259sl\u0259nm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r. V\u0259 n\u0259hay\u0259t, qarabasmalar g\u00f6r\u00fcr. G\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn qaba\u011f\u0131na \u00e7ox \u015fey g\u0259lir, amma t\u0259kc\u0259 birini yad\u0131nda saxlay\u0131b: o, anas\u0131n\u0131n b\u0259tnind\u0259dir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fidan inanmaq ist\u0259yir ki, bu sad\u0259c\u0259 qarabasma yox, \u015f\u00fcuralt\u0131ndan g\u0259l\u0259n bir xatir\u0259dir. \u00c7\u00fcnki onun ilk \u015f\u00fcurlu xatir\u0259si bel\u0259dir:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnam p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda durub, quca\u011f\u0131nda da qarda\u015f\u0131m. Onunla \u00fczb\u0259\u00fcz is\u0259 q\u0259z\u0259bli atam \u0259lind\u0259 b\u0131\u00e7aqla dayan\u0131b.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne\u00e7\u0259 ya\u015f\u0131m olard\u0131 onda? \u00dc\u00e7? Bilmir\u0259m. Sad\u0259c\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259l qad\u0131n\u0131, onun g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki qorxunu, atam\u0131n k\u00fcr\u0259yini xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram. Tavandan \u00e7\u0131l\u00e7\u0131raq \u0259v\u0259zin\u0259 sallanan lampa sovet qatarlar\u0131n\u0131n vaqonlar\u0131n\u0131 xat\u0131rladan dar yataq ota\u011f\u0131n\u0131 z\u0259if i\u015f\u0131qland\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu m\u0259nim d\u00fcnyam idi. O zaman m\u0259n\u0259 b\u0259lli olan yegan\u0259 d\u00fcnya. Daima d\u00f6y\u00fcl\u0259n anam\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259ri.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00fczd\u00fcr, bir d\u0259 qrenkil\u0259ri – yumurtal\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259k q\u0131zartmas\u0131n\u0131 xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram. K\u00f6hn\u0259 d\u0259mir tava, \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259k diliml\u0259ri, i\u00e7ind\u0259 yumurta olan nim\u00e7\u0259, sovet ya\u011f\u0131 (bel\u0259c\u0259 sar\u0131, nazik ka\u011f\u0131za b\u00fck\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f) v\u0259 q\u0131zaran qrenkil\u0259rin qoxusu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir d\u0259 qar\u0131 xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram. Atam i\u015f\u0259 gedirdi, qar t\u0259p\u0259si qap\u0131n\u0131n a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 k\u0259sdirdiyi \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn qap\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7a bilmirdi. H\u0259yat\u0131mda g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm ilk \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck qar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Atam anam\u0131 d\u00f6ym\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flayanda m\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc yer\u0259 at\u0131b onun ayaqlar\u0131n\u0131 qucaqlay\u0131rd\u0131m ki, anam\u0131 buraxs\u0131n. Dey\u0259s\u0259n, i\u015f\u0259 yaray\u0131rd\u0131. Atam sakitl\u0259\u015firdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anam\u0131 d\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fc. Qarda\u015f\u0131m\u0131 da. M\u0259n\u0259 toxunmurdu. M\u0259n onun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u201cideal\u201d olma\u011f\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259nmi\u015fdim. Nadinclik etmir, oynam\u0131r, susurdum. Anam\u0131n v\u0259 qarda\u015f\u0131m\u0131n n\u00fcmun\u0259sind\u0259 m\u0259n onu m\u0259hz n\u0259l\u0259rin q\u0131c\u0131qland\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 v\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xard\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Bir d\u0259 onun sif\u0259t ifad\u0259sind\u0259n emosiyalar\u0131n\u0131 v\u0259 \u0259hval\u0131n\u0131 \u201coxuma\u011f\u0131\u201d \u00f6yr\u0259nmi\u015fdim. N\u0259 zaman \u201cqas\u0131r\u011fa qopaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131\u201d hiss edirdim v\u0259 bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131mla qarda\u015f\u0131ma t\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259ni i\u015far\u0259 etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Amma o, m\u0259nim himcimimi anlam\u0131rd\u0131 v\u0259 yen\u0259 d\u00f6y\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc. Bel\u0259c\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00fcnahkar hiss etm\u0259yi \u00f6yr\u0259ndim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Atam\u0131n ist\u0259yi il\u0259 m\u0259n musiqi v\u0259 \u015fahmatla m\u0259\u015f\u011ful olurdum. M\u0259n onun \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn o q\u0259d\u0259r yax\u015f\u0131 olmaq ist\u0259yirdim ki, \u00e7ox \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. \u015eahmatda bel\u0259 bir m\u0259\u015fq metodu var: arxas\u0131 l\u00f6vh\u0259y\u0259 oturursan v\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 fiqurlar\u0131n yerl\u0259rini t\u0259svir edirl\u0259r. Kor-koran\u0259 oyun kimi bir \u015fey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u0259n qonaq ota\u011f\u0131nda yerd\u0259 bu c\u00fcr oturmu\u015fdum. Yan\u0131mda is\u0259 atam oturmu\u015fdu, \u015fahmat tap\u015f\u0131r\u0131qlar\u0131 toplusu il\u0259. Bu k\u00f6hn\u0259 kitab\u0131n qoxusunu xat\u0131rlay\u0131ram. M\u0259n h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 do\u011fru cavab\u0131 tap\u0131rd\u0131m. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 yox ki, \u015fahmat\u0131 sevirdim. Sad\u0259c\u0259 onu m\u0259yus etm\u0259kd\u0259n qorxurdum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u0130lk d\u0259f\u0259 o m\u0259n\u0259 \u0259l qald\u0131randa 6 ya\u015f\u0131mdayd\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Qarda\u015f\u0131m qon\u015fuluqdak\u0131 o\u011flan\u0131 biz\u0259 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131, oynama\u011fa. Valideynl\u0259rimiz evd\u0259 yox idi. Atam qay\u0131danda \u00e7ox n\u0259zak\u0259tl\u0259 qon\u015fu u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 yola sald\u0131 (adamlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda o, h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 \u00e7ox n\u0259zak\u0259tli olurdi). M\u0259n anlad\u0131m ki, indi ba\u015flanacaq. Ax\u0131 ged\u0259nd\u0259 tap\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 ki, ev\u0259 he\u00e7 kimi buraxmayaq.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O m\u0259n\u0259 q\u0131saca dedi ki, \u201cb\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 qaz\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 qoy\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130ndiy\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r ancaq qarda\u015f\u0131m\u0131 bel\u0259 c\u0259zaland\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131lar. M\u0259nim ba\u015f\u0131ma ilk d\u0259f\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kdi. M\u0259tb\u0259x\u0259 getdim. \u015ekafdan b\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xard\u0131m. M\u0259hz hans\u0131n\u0131n laz\u0131m oldu\u011funu bilirdim. Orada bu \u201cm\u0259rasim\u201d \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn x\u00fcsusi biri vard\u0131 \u2013 uzun v\u0259 nazik.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Qaz\u0131 yand\u0131rd\u0131m. B\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 qoydum. Oca\u011fa bax\u0131b, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm ki, anam\u0131n g\u0259lib bizi xilas etm\u0259sini ist\u0259mir\u0259m. \u00c7\u00fcnki atam onu d\u00f6y\u0259c\u0259k. Anacan, xahi\u015f edir\u0259m, h\u0259l\u0259 ki g\u0259lm\u0259.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q\u0131\u015f idi. \u018fynimd\u0259 isti kolqotka vard\u0131. Qonaq ota\u011f\u0131nda divanda oturdum. O dedi: \u201ckolqotkan\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xar\u201d. \u00c7\u0131xard\u0131m (yad\u0131mdad\u0131 ki, kolqotkalar\u0131m tez c\u0131r\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131, k\u00f6k oldu\u011fum \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u018fll\u0259rimi dizl\u0259rimd\u0259 c\u00fctl\u0259yib, g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi yumdum. Anacan, xahi\u015f edir\u0259m, h\u0259l\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O, m\u0259tb\u0259xd\u0259n k\u00f6z\u0259rmi\u015f b\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 g\u0259tirdi. \u018fll\u0259rim\u0259 da\u011f \u00e7\u0259kdi. Sonra ayaqlar\u0131ma. M\u0259n susurdum. G\u00f6zl\u0259rimi a\u00e7anda g\u00f6rd\u00fcm ki, qarda\u015f\u0131m \u015fkafa d\u0131rma\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir. \u201cAxma\u011fa bax\u201d, – m\u0259n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. – \u201cLap h\u00f6r\u00fcm\u00e7\u0259k-adam kimi\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can\u0131m\u0131n yan\u0131b-yanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yad\u0131mda deyil. Yad\u0131mdad\u0131 ki, \u0259lind\u0259 b\u0131\u00e7aq qar\u015f\u0131mda dizl\u0259rinin \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 oturmu\u015fdu, g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131rd\u0131. M\u0259n d\u0259 ona bax\u0131rd\u0131m, g\u00f6zl\u0259rim is\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yirdi. M\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn a\u011flamamaq, ona m\u0259\u011flub olmamaq vacib idi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amma yen\u0259 d\u0259 g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n ya\u015f axd\u0131. B\u0259lk\u0259 a\u011fr\u0131dan, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 haqs\u0131zl\u0131qdan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u0130kinci d\u0259f\u0259 16 ya\u015f\u0131mda oldu. R\u0259fiq\u0259ml\u0259 konsert\u0259 getmi\u015fdik, sonra dondurma yem\u0259k q\u0259rar\u0131na g\u0259ldik. Ev\u0259 qay\u0131danda m\u0259lum oldu ki, m\u0259ni art\u0131q axtar\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u0259n qonaq ota\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ortas\u0131nda dayanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. D\u00fcz \u00e7\u0131l\u00e7\u0131ra\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131nda. Orada s\u0259kkiz \u201c\u015faml\u0131\u201d q\u0259dim g\u00f6z\u0259l \u00e7\u0131l\u00e7\u0131raq as\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Amma m\u0259n h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 anlam\u0131ram ki, o evd\u0259 i\u015f\u0131q niy\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 z\u0259if olurdu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u0259n art\u0131q qon\u015fumuz Olyadan \u00f6d\u00fcnc ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m donu \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131b, ev paltar\u0131 geyinm\u0259y\u0259 macal tapm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. O qar\u015f\u0131mda durmu\u015fdu. Harada oldu\u011fumu soru\u015fdu. Cavab verdim. M\u0259n\u0259 \u015fill\u0259 vurdu. El\u0259 bilirdim ki, h\u0259qiq\u0259ti dem\u0259kl\u0259 c\u0259zadan azad olacam. Amma o m\u0259ni vuranda m\u0259n partlad\u0131m, onu yumruqlama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– M\u0259n s\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259qiq\u0259ti dedim! S\u0259nin n\u0259 haqq\u0131n var?! Biz sad\u0259c\u0259 dondurma yeyirdik!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130sterikaya d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 yox ki, \u015fill\u0259 a\u011fr\u0131td\u0131, ona g\u00f6r\u0259 ki, \u0259dal\u0259tsiz idi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc d\u0259f\u0259 az qala 26 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m. Anamla qonaq ota\u011f\u0131nda oturub kinoya bax\u0131rd\u0131q. Art\u0131q hardasa s\u0259kkiz il idi ki, m\u0259scidd\u0259 Qurana \u0259l bas\u0131b and i\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259n sonra anama \u0259l qald\u0131rm\u0131rd\u0131. Burnunu s\u0131nd\u0131r\u0131b, k\u0259ll\u0259 s\u00fcm\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7atladandan sonra anam evd\u0259n qa\u00e7m\u0131\u015fd\u0131, onu geri qaytarmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn and i\u00e7m\u0259li olmu\u015fdu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bu d\u0259f\u0259 o, balaca bac\u0131ma ac\u0131qlanma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131, anam is\u0259 onu m\u00fcdafi\u0259 etdi. Bird\u0259n o, var g\u00fcc\u00fcyl\u0259 anam\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131na yumruq ili\u015fdirdi. M\u0259hz k\u0259ll\u0259 s\u00fcm\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00e7atlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yer\u0259.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yad\u0131mda deyil divandan nec\u0259 s\u0131\u00e7ray\u0131b, ona nec\u0259 cumdum. Onu s\u00f6y\u00fcrd\u00fcm, di\u015fl\u0259yirdim, vururdum. Sa\u00e7\u0131mdan tutub, qarn\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259pikl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131. Qarda\u015f\u0131m bizi ay\u0131rma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Bird\u0259n atam masan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259ki a\u011f\u0131r b\u00fcllur k\u00fclqab\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb m\u0259n\u0259 tolazlamaq ist\u0259di. Q\u0131\u015fq\u0131rd\u0131m ki, \u201cTulla, k\u00f6p\u0259k, tulla! S\u0259ni i\u00e7\u0259ri basd\u0131racam!\u201d O, k\u00fclqab\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 sald\u0131. B\u0259z\u0259n h\u0259min andak\u0131 c\u0259sar\u0259tim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dar\u0131x\u0131ram.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir d\u0259 kitablar \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dar\u0131x\u0131ram. H\u0259r k\u0259lm\u0259m\u0259 n\u0259zar\u0259t etm\u0259yi \u00f6yr\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259n sonra dem\u0259k olar ki, dan\u0131\u015fma\u011f\u0131 t\u0259rgitmi\u015fdim, b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcn\u00fc kitab oxuyurdum. Yad\u0131mdad\u0131r, balaca ik\u0259n divanda uzan\u0131b Astrid Lindqrenin \u201cKarlson, Peppi v\u0259 dig\u0259rl\u0259ri\u201d kitab\u0131n\u0131 oxuyurdum v\u0259 m\u0259tb\u0259xd\u0259 yer \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn \u0259n l\u0259zz\u0259tli kartof pirojkisini bi\u015fir\u0259n anamdan anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u00f6zl\u0259rin m\u0259nas\u0131n\u0131 soru\u015furdum. O pirojkil\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259 dar\u0131x\u0131ram.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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19 ya\u015f\u0131mda, h\u0259l\u0259 universitetd\u0259 oxuyark\u0259n i\u015f\u0259 d\u00fcz\u0259ldim, t\u0259dric\u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 pul qazanma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. 10 il m\u00fcdd\u0259tind\u0259 m\u0259nzil \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn pul toplay\u0131b, valideynl\u0259rimin yan\u0131ndan k\u00f6\u00e7\u0259 bildim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130ndi 39 ya\u015f\u0131m var. \u0130ki d\u0259f\u0259 \u201cnikahdan qa\u00e7m\u0131\u015fam\u201d – \u0259n son m\u0259qamda adaxl\u0131lar\u0131ma yox demi\u015f\u0259m. Zaman-zaman anam\u0131 vaxtil\u0259 getm\u0259k ist\u0259diyi yerl\u0259r\u0259 apar\u0131ram. Biz onunla art\u0131q Vatikan muzeyini, Q\u0259rb divar\u0131n\u0131, Z\u0259ncirli k\u00f6rp\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u00fck. Siyah\u0131da h\u0259l\u0259 Ermitaj, Misir piramidalar\u0131 v\u0259 ba\u015fqa xeyli \u015fey qal\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anamla atam yen\u0259 d\u0259 qonaq ota\u011f\u0131nda q\u0259dim \u00e7\u0131l\u00e7\u0131raq as\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u0259vv\u0259lki m\u0259nzilimizd\u0259 ya\u015fay\u0131rlar. Atam qocal\u0131b. H\u0259ft\u0259d\u0259 bir-iki d\u0259f\u0259 yanlar\u0131na gedir\u0259m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u0130ll\u0259rl\u0259 atam\u0131n anam\u0131 bo\u011fdu\u011fu, m\u0259nims\u0259 yan\u0131nda dayan\u0131b s\u0259simi \u00e7\u0131xara, barma\u011f\u0131m\u0131 t\u0259rp\u0259d\u0259 bilm\u0259diyiml\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 yuxu g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Bir d\u0259f\u0259 internetd\u0259 bir kitab tapd\u0131m, valideynl\u0259ri nec\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flama\u011f\u0131n m\u00fcmk\u00fcnl\u00fcy\u00fc haqda. Dey\u0259s\u0259n, oradak\u0131 m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259n biri m\u0259n\u0259 k\u00f6m\u0259k el\u0259di. M\u0259n atam\u0131n u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131 haqda \u00e7ox \u015fey bilirdim, odur ki, onun balacal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr etm\u0259k m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7\u0259tin deyildi. T\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr el\u0259dim ki, onunla bir otaqday\u0131q v\u0259 m\u0259n onu atas\u0131n\u0131n d\u00f6yd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc, al\u00e7altd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m. M\u0259n t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr\u00fcmd\u0259 bu balaca a\u011flayan o\u011flana yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131b, onu qucaqlad\u0131m. Aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yox\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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